sharon.lh

sigh. watching we got married really cheers me up. it was funny. haha. but i think full house is still the best.
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from a strong girl to a cry out of a sudden girl...
from a 'everyone but only she knows' english girl to a 'even brought and bought also dont know which want to use' girl...
from a 'chinese lousiest among the chinas' girl to a 'chinese worse than sec1' girl...
from a 'very passionate about dancing' girl to a 'murdered the dance' girl...
from a 'never at all cry in school' girl to a 'cry in alternate weeks' girl...
from a 'very like maths' girl to a 'shit, maths.' girl...
from a 'run 2.4 in 15 mins' girl to a 'just left 1 sec' girl...
from a 'do work, got motivation' girl to a 'fuck it, just do it slowly' girl...

sharon ah... bogoshiptta. please come back to me.

really thanks...
and junior, i love you v. much. you are really the bestest, altho i think crying for me is like crying for your lost 0.0000000000000000x10 to the power of infinity cents.

thanks to those who told me not to cry. altho i know it's really ridiculous to cry over a stupid situational paper that is not even a ct. but it means a lot to me. as in... when ms wong emphasize on the word "ELABORATE", i almost want to die of suffocation. cuz i'm so angry and disappointed at myself that i din learn from my lesson. ever since the beggining of sc2... i was told to elaborate. why din i learn? i remembered my mistakes well. i even wrote down the points i wanted to write and write a draft, i kept thinking to myself when i did it, 'must elaborate', so as to improve myself. i thot i did a good job. but fuck the results. why issit that others, just doing it normally, can get good scores and why me, even with a draft, just pass? i really dont understand. when i cried, i kept thinking, why issit me? no matter how much i enjoyed reading, how much i wanted to improve, i am always stuck or i just had to go the hard way. -.- i'm seriously very angry at myself. i cant even diiferentiate 'bought' and 'brought', i cant even know whether to use a 's' behind a word when it's they, we, you, i etc... up till now. i'm soon to be fifteen. can you believe it? i cant. i feel like just dropping out of school. no point. no point. no one just notice me. like what ac asked 'why issit that you keep handing up your work late?" when i actually handed in her corrections on time, doing two of it instead on one till 3 am in the morning, causing an internal drama during guides. and she still can tell me this. this is ridiculous. why me, people? why me, people? i tried so hard to keep up wth the rest cuz i know i have been lacking in my studies. i even regained my reading habits when i'm so fucked up busy so as to improve my english. i now even borrowed chinese books to read, and force myself to read. as for my dance... even sihui tells me i lack of confidence on a not so related matter... just fuck everybody lah. i dont want to go to school anymore. i just want to slack all day and just be free of worries.

run away from home to escape my air 'polluted by me' room
run away from school to escape studies and etc.
run away from my body to stop killing myself by seeing me short, fat, bispectacles, braces, ugly skin
run away from earth to stop thinking about global warming, suffering and etc.

nobody will read this anyway, i shall not write so much.
nobody will understand what i am talking about.
nobody will even know i wrote this.
nobody will even now i thanked them for comforting me

eveybody will just think i am weird.
everybody will just think i am over-thinking.
everybody will just think i am being too sensitive.

i am not lam huili sharon.
i am...

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FUCKED UP.(: